The Host part 2
by sharshar85
Summary: Picks up where the book ends in the desert, rated M for future chapters
1. Chapter 1

**(Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, they belong to Stephanie Meyer)**

Chapter 1

I didn't realise I was still holding Burns' hand, when I heard someone clear their throat behind me. It was Ian of course.

"I'm sorry I'm just a little overwhelmed at the moment I never thought I'd see the day!"

"No problem, this is really weird for me too!"

He smiled down at me as I released his hand. I couldn't help but return the smile, his eyes were so kind. Ian cleared his throat again. I turned and gave him a reassuring smile, he looked anxious. I then realized that we were still out in the open, of course Ian would feel anxious. Burns noticed the sudden change in my facial expression and stepped back.

"I'm sorry to keep you all; you must be on your way out for a raid."

"Why yes of course, I almost forgot." I hadn't even noticed Ian sneak up behind and wrap his arms protectively around me. I looked up at him and noticed that he was glaring at Burns. This look confused me, Burns was like me, he liked the humans, so why was Ian looking at him with such distrust in his eyes? I was suddenly pulled out of my thoughts when Jared spoke up.

"Where were you guys heading?" He looked tense as well; I concluded that he felt a little un easy at the fact that these people had found our hiding place for the van and moving truck so easily.

Nate noticed the apprehension in his voice too and was quick to respond. "We were on our way home from a raid as well, we live about two hours from here and I needed a pit stop, if you know what I mean. Well anyway I walked up further into the desert so no one would see me and I noticed something shiny poking out in the distance. Don't worry though it's a really good spot, I just knew what to look for, the souls would never notice it!" Jared's face looked slightly relieved at Nate's response. I started to feel really uncomfortable that we were still out in the open, I always felt exposed when we were outside and Ian seemed to grasp that fact so he started to walk towards the van. Burns noticed and followed us.

"Do you guys have a cell phone so we can stay in touch?"

"Uhh no sorry we don't, maybe we should get one while we're out, maybe you could come with us, show me some pointers on raiding, I'm sure you've had a lot more experience than me, I'm still very new to this and I would love it if you could help me out." The arm that was still around my waist suddenly tensed at the word 'love'.

"Sure, I'd be happy to help you out, that is if you could drive me home when we're done." His smile was infectious, so kind, so welcoming, of course I couldn't help but smile back, he was a soul, he was my family.

I almost forgot that Ian was there when he started shifting his feet. "I'm sorry how very rude of me, this is my partner Ian." I looked up at his face lovingly, only to find the same glare he wore a moment ago.

Burns put out his hand, "it's very nice to meet you Ian."

Ian hesitated at first, and I don't know why? Surely my Ian couldn't be prejudiced, he did love _me,_ the soul…didn't he? I suddenly felt very insecure. What if he didn't love me, what if he was just pretending? Shut up Wanda of course he loves you.

"Its …nice to meet you too." Ian couldn't have recoiled from his touch any quicker and I could see the confusion in Burns eyes. There was a moment of awkward silence before Burns turned to fill Nate and the others in on our plans.

I took this opportunity to confront Ian on his rude behavior.

"What is it Ian? Did I do something wrong?" I tried so hard to hide the hurt in my voice, but failed miserably, this body will surely be the death of me! Ian's face softened as he wiped away the single tear that ran down my cheek.

"Of course not sweetheart, you could never do anything wrong...I guess I was a little….jealous"

Ian was jealous! I couldn't believe it, so he did truly love me. But why on earth would he be jealous?

"I don't understand." I looked over at Burns, he was beautiful in his own way but he was nothing compared to Ian. I could never see anyone else the way I saw Ian, and now that I was out of Melanie's body even Jared didn't appeal to me the way Ian did. There was absolutely no confusion at all anymore; Ian belonged to me, not the body but me, Wanderer, the soul.

Ian looked down at his feet while he spoke, "I guess it just makes sense for you to be with someone like Burns, you know...cos he's like you."

I reached up on my toes and grabbed his face with both hands and pulled him down to my eye level, "you listen here Ian O'Shea, you are my life, you hear me! I will always be by _your_ side no matter what, I love _you_! I already told you that you will always be my only partner." I suddenly crashed my lips to his and without warning he picked me up off the ground with my feet dangling in the air. I could feel the molten rock moving through my body, aching to erupt, I wanted this feeling to last forever but I needed to come up for air. I was still gasping for air when I realized I was holding Ian's face a little too hard and let out a giggle as I let him go.

"What's so funny?" he looked a little hurt.

"I'm sorry, I was holding your face so tight that I made you look like a fish!" he chuckled.

He took my hand in his, which is where I hoped it would always be and walked over to the group.

Jared was in deep discussion with Nate about raiding when Ian and I walked up. Mel smiled at me and affectionately nudged me with her elbow.

"Ahh guys I think we should get going before the sun comes up." It was Brandt that spoke up. Everyone said their goodbyes and safe journey's and the seven of us piled into the van. Jared was driving of course, with me riding shotgun just in case. I was suddenly very excited again, I knew this raid was going to be great and I was grateful that Burns was here to teach me everything he knows, I suddenly felt confident because even though I wasn't very useful inside the caves, I had a feeling that this raid was going to change everyone's lives for the better and it warmed me to know that I was the one to do it.


	2. Chapter 2

**(Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, they belong to Stephenie Meyer)**

_**This is my very first fanfic; actually, this is the first time I've ever written anything just for the fun of it!!! So you can imagine how thrilled I was to get at least 1 review!!! And a positive one too!!! I'm aiming to stay true to the book so that I don't disappoint all the host fans out there, I tend to get annoyed when people don't stay true to the book…even though this site is designed to let people "unleash their imagination" hehe but anyway I hope people like my story.**_

_**p.s please review if you like it….or even if you hate it, lol, I kinda have a rough idea of where I want this story to go but any suggestions are welcome **__****_

_**Thanks, Shar xo**_

**Chapter 2**

I took the long drive as an opportunity to take down notes from Burns. We talked for what felt like hours. I found out that he has been on earth for six years and has been with his humans for five. It turned out that his host was orphaned and grew up with Nate and his family; they were like brothers, so when his host got caught and Burns was inserted it was only natural for him to go searching for Nate.

"_I don't mean to be rude but I was just curious as to why you decided to 'go native' as you put it, if you came from fire world?"_ my face started to get hot as I realized this was a very personal question.

Burns seemed to notice the reluctance in my voice and smiled, _"I was waiting for you to ask that question."_ He chuckled.

"_I was miserable on fire world, I despised the fact that we had to murder those innocent flowers just to survive, I actually skipped without even completing a quarter of the life term. Of course no one questioned me when I made my decision because a lot of souls did the same, but I knew I was different because the other souls purely felt that it was unpleasant to live there but I felt repulsed to the very core of myself, it was a feeling I never thought a soul would feel. I came to this planet and realized that the souls were doing the exact same thing to the humans. I hated myself for merely existing, how could we think of ourselves as the superior being? How can taking people's lives away from them be justified, for what? The greater good? We souls pride ourselves in making the universe a better place to live in but we wipe out entire species just to survive, where's the logic in that? If turning my back on my own kind means I can do something to help these humans who I have grown to love then so be it."_

I snuck a peek at Jared from the corner of my eye and saw that his eyes were glazed. Everyone else had fallen asleep so they hadn't heard any of Burns' speech; I put my hand on Jared's and smiled. Burns couldn't have been more right, we were parasites, we took absolutely everything away from these people and despite of it all they still loved us. It will forever remain a mystery as to why that is but they really do.

"_Why did you keep your name from Fireworld?"_ I thought as long as we were being open I would sneak in another personal question.

"_As a constant reminder of who I don't want to be."_ Burns stated matter of factly.

I was suddenly more determined than ever to make this raid a success. I put my business face on and started drilling all the answers I needed for the raid. Burns seemed surprised that we had any kind of drinkable water down in the caves but that we hadn't thought of getting any fridges, freezers and washing machines.

"_I told you I was still new at this."_

He suggested we get the cell phones first so that next time we won't have to risk as many people's lives. We would simply organize a rendezvous point to exchange all of our spoils, and that when we had the fridges and freezers we wouldn't have to go out as often. I started to imagine all the potential the caves would endure with me being around and I finally started to see that I must really belong here.

"_I'm hungry Jared, can we stop soon?"_ Mel said sleepily.

I nearly jumped half a foot in the air. I almost forgot about the sleeping people in the back. Ian moved forward and laid his head on my shoulder.

"_Morning my love, how are you feeling?"_ he said with a yawn.

"_Like I just had a heart attack!"_ I said that a bit too loud and everyone started waking up.

"_Sorry guys, Mel scared the living daylights outta me!"_

"_What did I do?"_ Mel said innocently as she wiped the sleep from her eyes.

I waited for my heart to slow down and Ian automatically placed his hand over mine that was already positioned over my chest. Just when it started to calm down he kissed me at the nape of my neck. It hitched and started to speed up again; Ian chuckled and whispered in my ear, letting his hot breath blow into it.

"_I love you."_

Id never get tired of hearing those three small words come out of his mouth, it still astonished me that he was speaking those words to me.

I explained some of the things that we'd be getting while we were on the raid and that some people could head back to the caves after we got our first load.

"_I don't know about getting cell phones, wont that mean that the seekers can track us if they get suspicious?"_ this was the first time I heard Jared speak since we left the desert, I guess he was waiting for everyone to wake up so that it could be a group discussion.

"_The souls don't have a need for that kind of technology anymore, they have no reason to distrust any other souls and they don't think the humans would be able to get their hands on them or feel the need to have them anyway."_ Burns stated with earnestness in his voice.

We soon stopped in a small town and I went to a local pizza shop while burns went into a phone shop. I hopped into the back of the van while Burns got into the front with Jared.

"_PIZZA!"_

Ian looked like a little kid on Christmas morning it was absolutely adorable. I thought that four family sized pizzas would be enough but I should have considered the five large men and their appetites. I was suddenly somber at the fact that I hadn't fed them enough. Ian guessed what I was thinking.

"_Don't worry so much Wanda, it was plenty for everyone, I guess it's just been a while since we've had pizza."_ He smiled apologetically and put his hand on my cheek which I automatically leaned into.

We were off on the road again; Jared thought that we were still too close to start raiding even though we had been driving for three hours. Burns explained that the phones had the best coverage in the world as he explained to the shopkeeper that he liked to hike out in the mountains and in the desert.

When we finally made our first official stop we got two deep chest freezers, two refrigerators, a few generators as well as a few trolleys full of groceries. It was so easy having Burns with us because I didn't have to worry about the other souls offering to give me a hand. We were packed into the van like sardines so we headed back to get the moving truck.

"_If I'd have known we were getting this heavy stuff, I would have driven the moving truck so we wouldn't have to go back so soon."_ Brandt yelled from in between the two freezers.

"_Well it doesn't really matter cos you and Aaron are heading back home anyway with one of the new phones so we can stay in touch."_ Mel called from somewhere amongst the groceries.

We all decided that Aaron and Brandt would take our first load to the caves and wait for our call because there was no way that Mel was leaving Jared and there was definitely no way Ian was leaving me.

"_Awww, it's so unfair, we just got out of the caves."_ Aaron said disappointedly.

"_It's gonna be boring anyway, with Burns and Wanda with us, we'd spend the whole time in the van, I'd rather sleep in my own bed then risk staying in a motel."_ Brandt said

A motel? I suddenly realized that I would be sharing a bed with Ian without the comfort of having everyone else around us in the game room. Nervousness mixed in with nausea suddenly came over me and I couldn't breathe.

"_Jared, can you pull over please, I'm feeling a little claustrophobic, I think I need some air."_ I think I was having a panic attack.

"_Wanda, what's wrong, are you ok?"_ Ian seemed to be having his own panic attack, and I could hear him moving all the boxes to get to me.

"_Ian i'm fine I just need some air, stay where you are."_

"_Wanda we're pretty close to the rock slide do you reckon you can hold on for 15 more minutes?"_ Jared seemed to sound genuinely concerned about me but was thinking about the safety of the group.

"_PULL OVER HOWE YOU JACK ASS!"_

"_Ian I'm fine, I can wait, it's not worth the risk, I don't want to draw any unnecessary attention to us, I shouldn't have said anything." _

"_Are you sure you're ok Wanda? Do you want me to come sit with you until we stop?"_ it was Mel this time, she knew it was her that I needed and not Ian, but I didn't want to hurt Ian's feelings so I just stayed put.

"_No really its ok Mel thanks anyway."_

I really had to concentrate on breathing. It was the longest 15 minutes of my life, or lives. Why was I so nervous? I loved Ian so much it hurt sometimes. I knew things didn't have to change, Ian would never want me to do anything I didn't want to do, but maybe I do want to. Everytime Ian touched me, I never want him to stop, I always want more. I had to talk to Mel about it.

We finally got to the moving truck and everyone started unloading except Ian and Mel, of course. They both fought to get through the mountain of groceries to me.

"_Wanda what's wrong?"_ Mel looked so worried about me; I almost let out a giggle.

Ian easily scooped me up in his arms and kicked all the boxes out of his way, even though the air outside was hot, it felt so good. He set me down on the ground and without letting go of my face, looked intently into my eyes, then everything went black…

**A/N sorry its taken me a while to write chapter 2, I've been really busy with work and then I went overseas for 2 weeks I actually had to split this chapter into 2 because it was getting a bit long and I haven't finished yet so hopefully chapter 3 will be up in a few days… thanks heaps hope you all like it. Please review. ******

**Shar xoxo **


	3. Chapter 3

**(Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, they belong to Stephenie Meyer) **

When my eyes started to refocus, the wrong eyes were looking down at me, they were not Ian's, they were Mel's. I could hear two people in an argument and when I realized one of them was Ian, I quickly sat up but Mel pushed me back down.

" _Wanda, are you ok? What happened? Don't get up yet, here have some water first."_ Mel handed me a bottle of water, I looked over in the direction the argument was coming from and saw Ian already running towards us. He hurled both arms around me and kissed me ever so gently on the forehead.

"_You scared me half to death you know, don't ever do that again."_ Ian looked like he had tears in his eyes but I couldn't be sure.

"_Who were you arguing with?"_ just then I saw Jared come up wiping the blood away from his nose.

"_Ian! Why did you punch Jared?" _I was mortified.

"_Cos he's a dick, and cos he didn't stop when you asked him to, you obviously weren't feeling well, how are you feeling now? What happened? Do you want me to take you back to the caves?."_ He really was worried about me, which warmed my heart, but the fact that he resorted to violence made me a little angry.

"_Ian I didn't faint because I wasn't feeling well, I fainted because of the way you were looking at me. And no I don't want to go back to the caves, I feel fine."_ I was blushing; I must have been as red as the blood that was still dripping from Jared's nose. I looked away, embarrassed because I just confessed the effect Ian has on me in front of everyone.

"_Really? What do you mean? I don't understand, the way I was looking at you?"_ Ian was clearly confused.

"_Ian, I…uh."_ I was still beet red.

"_you can tell me, sweetheart I don't understand."_

"_I don't know, it was the way your eyes looked, like you could see right through me. The way you were looking at me, was like you were REALLY looking at ME, I dunno I just felt really lightheaded." _Ian smiled at my babbling and kissed me like he's never kissed me before. I forgot where I was, who I was, Ian was everywhere, it was amazing. Just when I started to feel the familiar molten rock, Mel cleared her throat.

"_um guys lets not go for round two ok."_

"_Oops sorry, how are you feeling Wanda?"_ Ian was still smiling and his beautiful sapphire eyes were almost smoldering, I almost did go for round two, so I had to look away.

"_I uhh..Feel great! Really, there's nothing for you to worry about, I just needed some air."_ I still felt a little embarrassed.

Ian whispered in my ear_, "Don't ever feel ashamed of telling me how you feel, cos I don't. You have no idea how happy I am right at this very moment, just to know that you love me." _

Ian helped me up and we all unloaded the van together. I couldn't stop smiling and every time I stopped to look at Ian, he was doing the same. I still couldn't help but feel nervous. I had no idea how to be truly intimate with someone, it really scared me. What if Ian thought I wasn't good enough? Mel's memories of her first time with Jared went through my mind and I saw that she felt as I feel now. I had to talk to her as soon as we got to a hotel, otherwise I would never be able to sleep.

Once everything was packed into the moving truck, we said goodbye to Brandt and Aaron and the five of us went out onto the road again, with Burns in the driver's seat.

By the time we got to a hotel, I was too tired to talk to Mel, it had been a long day, but then I started thinking about being alone with Ian again and I was suddenly more alert than I had been all day. Burns and I got two rooms and I offered him the couch in mine and Ian's room, which I could see from Jared's reaction, was exactly what he was hoping for.

We were just getting settled into our room when there was a knock at the door. I knew it was either Jared or Mel because we made up our own secret knock, just incase anyone else were to ever knock on our door. Jared walked in, looking very annoyed.

"Wanda, Mel needs you in our room." Jared said as he collapsed into the arm chair and turned the TV on.

I knocked on Mel and Jared's door and she answered before I finished the secret knock.

"Bout time! Are you gonna tell me exactly what the hell happened before?"

"Promise you won't laugh?" I said suddenly self-conscious of the direction the conversation was heading.

"Wanda, we shared the same body for a whole year, there are no secrets between us, you can tell me anything, you know that." Mel started to look a little concerned.

"ok, it's a little awkward for me to talk about, but I'm a little nervous about being alone with Ian, we haven't really had the chance to be alone since I've been in this body, and well I think I'm freaking out!"

Mel burst out laughing. I was so horrified, that she would think this was funny that I started crying.

"Why the hell are you crying, I'm not laughing AT you silly, I just thought it was something really serious." Mel said still chuckling.

"you promised you wouldn't laugh, and anyway this is serious."

"Ok ok I'm sorry, your right it is serious, I just thought it was something, you know bad serious." Mel was still trying to concentrate on being more sympathetic but I could tell the only thing she wanted to do was roll around on the floor in hysterics.

"Just forget about it, I'll see tomorrow." I got up and started towards the door.

"Oh don't be like that Wanda, said I was sorry, come on I'll answer any questions you have, just don't be angry with me." All signs of laughter were completely gone so I turned around a sat down next her on the couch.

"Ok I know exactly how you feel Wanda, but you've got nothing to worry about. Ian absolutely adores you and he knows you don't have any experience with this sort of stuff. I'd bet that he would never even bring it up unless you did, why don't you just talk to him about it."

I know he wouldn't bring it up first, that's why I'm here talking to you, I want to, I just don't know how….and don't laugh!"

Mel put her arms up in defense, "I wasn't going to, I promise, but Wanda this sort of stuff comes naturally, its all about acting on impulse. What do you feel when Ian kisses you? "

I blushed, "um, lots of things, I always want more of him but we always stop or get interrupted."

Mel smiled and said, "see you don't really need my help, just go with your instincts, and he'll follow suit, I was scared the first time but once I knew that it was going to happen I just let go and went with the flow, so that's what you need to do. Don't think about what your doing, just do it!"

"Thanks for everything Mel, you really helped me a lot" I said as I gave her a hug.

"what are sisters for!" Mel said as she walked me to the door.

"Now go get Jared, all this sex talk has really got me in the mood, and I can tell he wants it too!" Mel was practically pushing me out the door.

I knocked on our door and Ian answered it with a mouth full of the left over sandwiches I picked up from a deli on our last stop. Jared quickly got up and practically ran out the door. "night guys." He called behind him as he closed the door. Ian hugged me and pulled me over to the couch. I couldn't shake the mental pictures I was having of Jared and Mel when Ian pulled me out of me reverie.

"Is everything alright, you were gone for a while." Ian said as he finished his sandwich.

"Everything is fine, Mel just needed to talk, you know girl stuff." I said smiling.

"Oh ok, I don't wanna know. Burns is just in the shower, I had one before. Did you wanna have one after him then head to bed, I'm pretty beat."

"Sure!" I probably sounded a little too enthusiastic but I don't think Ian noticed.

The hot shower loosened all the tension in my body, it felt so good I didn't want to get out. I took the time to think about everything Mel said and I felt a little better knowing that I didn't have to worry about not knowing what to do.

I got out and dried myself off and instead of putting on my usual tattered old pajamas, I just put on a pair of panties and a tight fitting tank top. When I walked out, I saw that Ian was already in bed, and his eyes practically bulged out of his head. I thought he didn't like what he saw, I suddenly felt extremely insecure about my body.

"What? You don't like it, I can change if you want" I tried so hard not to sound hurt but I wasn't fooling anyone.

"Wanderer, I've never seen you look more beautiful" he smiled as he lured me into the big king sized bed.

He kissed me softly and placed his hand on my bare skin on the small of my back, it felt incredible and I started feeling things I've never felt before. I finally found the courage to make the first move, I shakily guided his hand down over the lace of my panties and down my thigh. He instantly stopped kissing me.

"Ian why did you stop? Did I do something wrong?" I asked out of breath, I could feel the adrenaline pumping in my veins.

"Of course you didn't do anything wrong, I just wasn't expecting it that's all. He sounded a little edgy.

"Don't you….want me?" I could feel the tears building up but fought them really hard and actually won this time. But it was too late, Ian could see that he hurt my feelings.

"Wanderer, you have no idea exactly how much I want you, especially right now, I love you. I just don't want you to do anything you don't feel comfortable with, look your shaking like a leaf" Ian pulled the blanket up over the both of us and hugged me.

"Ian I want to, the only reason I feel uncomfortable is because I've never done this before, I'm scared that I'd do it wrong and I don't want to disappoint you." I ran my hand down Ian's bare chest and he shivered uncontrollably.

"You could never disappoint me, even if you tried. See look what you've done to me, just by merely touching me, I'm crazy about you Wanda, you do everything right. But I don't want you to think that just because this is our first real alone time together that we have to jump into anything. We have the rest of our lives to look forward to, there's no rush. Right now I'm more than happy just to hold you." Ian's grip on me tightened and I couldn't help but yawn.

Ian chuckled, "get some sleep my love we can talk about it in the morning."

Ian was right, we didn't have to rush anything and I suppose it wouldn't be very romantic if our first time was in a hotel with Burns in the next room. I wanted our first time to be special and just when I was just about to doze off I smiled, because I knew no matter what, Ian and I would always be special.

**I'm not very happy with this chapter, I think it could have been a lot better. But anyway let me know what your thoughts are.**

**Shar xoxo ******


	4. Authors Note

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been really busy lately and I actually wrote a really long chapter that I was going to split in half and then I got robbed and my computer got stolen!!! So that kinda sucked. Thanks heaps for supporting my story and I promise to update as soon as I can.

Shar xoxo


	5. Chapter 4

**(Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters they belong to Stephenie Meyer)**

Chapter 4

When I woke up in the morning I half expected Ian to be sprawled out on the bed like he usually was, but he had his arm wrapped around me and his head buried in my hair.

"Mmmm, I love the way you smell, your hair always smells like coconut but it's mixed in with another smell...your smell."

I rolled over to see Ian's face and he looked as if he had been awake for a while.

"Good morning" I said with a smile "how long have you been awake?"

"A while, I've been watching you sleep, I didn't wake you did I?"Ian said a little sheepishly as he realised I had just caught him 'smelling' me.

"I've been thinking about what happened last night," he said a little too casually as he brushed the ball of mess that was my hair out of my eyes, although he couldn't look me in the eye. I was suddenly very nervous, embarrassed and excited all at the same time; I started to feel butterflies in my stomach.

Ian hesitated for a moment, he looked as nervous as I did. "Like I said last night, I don't want to rush this; I want you to feel 100% comfortable with me." I was about to protest when he put his finger on my mouth to silence me. "Wait before you say anything just let me finish. We don't have to rush straight into..." he was at a loss for words; it wasn't really like Ian to be this nervous "straight into what?" I smiled at him with encouragement, I didn't know what he was getting at but it was definitely something he wasn't comfortable with talking about. "Straight into........sex." I couldn't help but laugh, well maybe not laugh, this body doesn't really laugh, it giggles like a little five year old. "I'm sorry Ian, I didn't mean to laugh, it's this body, I can't control it sometimes." He laughed as well which made me feel a little better. "It's ok, you have nothing to apologise for Wanda it is a bit hard to keep a straight face when this topic is brought up" he said still laughing. "Well I'm glad you understand, because I don't, this is supposed to be serious," I said trying a little too hard to keep my face as serious as possible, but failing miserably. We both burst out in hysterics. "Ian stop making me laugh and finish what you were trying to say" I had tears running down my cheeks and my stomach hurt from laughing so much." "Ok ok, I'm sorry i'll be serious now, you know it's all your fault, you started it, you're too damn cute for your own good," he said wiping his own tears away.

Ian took a deep breath before he began, "I'm ok now. As I was saying, we don't have to rush into the physical stuff but that doesn't mean we can't do other things. You're not the only one that is still getting used to this body."

I froze...I knew he wasn't attracted to this body, it's too young, he knows it's not old enough, all these horrifying thoughts were running through my head and the sting of rejection was written all over my face. "Wanda I know exactly what you're thinking and it's not how it sounded. I love your body, Jamie hit the nail on the head, you have the face of an angel and it is how I picture you to look like, but it's not the most important thing to me, it may sound sort of cliché but I only care about what's on the inside. I know you didn't believe me when I said I would love you if you were in anyone's body but it is true...even Maggie's body." I couldn't help but smile. "There's that beautiful smile I love." Ian pulled me into his chest and held me so tight that I could barely breathe, but it felt so good.

"What I really meant was, everything is so new. It's a lot to take in. I know I love you with all my heart and there is no one else I'd rather be with, in this whole universe, but that doesn't mean that it's not all very overwhelming and confusing sometimes. You still have your little quirks that I love and you still pull the same faces and well...I mean, you're still a really bad liar...your personality is what I'm in love with, but at the same time you're a stranger to me..Well your body is, and I guess what I really want to say is...well I don't only want to go slow for your sake but for mine too."

I couldn't argue with that, he was right. I always wondered how he could love me in this body when he was so used to loving me in Mel's body. How could this man be human? He had the kindest soul I had ever had the privilege of stumbling upon in all my nine...well ten lives. But he wasn't a soul per say, I mean the definition of a soul is an unseen force that guides the body, I suppose in a sense humans were in their own way "souls" everyone had their own persona which individualized them. Nevertheless, I liked the way humans differed from my kind, I mean, sure, they were barbaric and turned on each other as often as they loved each other, but at least they weren't so, what's the word? Robotic? Monotonous? But then again I also had my own theories on my kind, with all of these impossible emotions ruling our lives, who knows what will happen to the souls somewhere down the track, they could possibly turn on one another just as the humans do. This is the first planet where I have encountered any sort of confrontation so I wouldn't be entirely surprised. Either way I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm somewhat proud to call myself human.

Ian shifted his weight in anticipation for my response. "Thank you for being honest with me Ian, I really appreciate it, and I guess it does sort of make sense. I myself am still getting used to this body so I completely understand how you must be feeling." I said with a weak smile.

Ian smiled my favourite smile and pulled me into his chest again. We didn't need any more words and I was happy to just lie there with the one being that truly understood me, I was blissfully happy and never wanted this moment to end. I did however remember something that Ian had said earlier.

"Ian what did you mean when you said we could do other stuff?" I said turning my head so that I could see his face.

He hesitated before he spoke as if he was a little embarrassed. "Well..." he was definitely embarrassed; his pale cheeks turned a slight shade of pink.

"And I thought I was the only one that blushed!" I said astonished, what could be running through his mind?

"Well...like I said before, we don't have to jump straight into the...uh act. I'm pretty confident that we know each other's minds well enough but maybe we could learn and get to know our...bodies a little better?" he seemed unsure of himself and his pink cheeks were now a deep red.

"Ok then, what exactly did you have in mind?" I was curious; I still had no idea what he was getting at.

"We probably have to leave soon and I know that Burns is awake because I heard him moving around while you were still sleeping so he probably wants to use the bathroom." He was definitely stalling.

"Ian just tell me, the suspense is killing me!"

He took a deep breath, "ok I was thinking that maybe we could save some time by...taking a shower together." He covered his face with a pillow and I guessed that his face was probably an even darker shade of red.

"Oh" was all I could say. I don't know why, 8 hours ago I was ready to be intimate with him but now I was petrified. I've imagined Ian naked dozens of times, even when I was still in Mel's body, especially when he took his shirt off when we were working in the fields. I hadn't realised I was smiling when Ian interrupted my little fantasy.

"What are you smiling at?" Ian said mirroring my expression.

"Oh...uh...nothing." now I was the one blushing. Was I ever going to be able to control my emotions in this body? It was starting to really irritate me.

Either Ian figured out what I was thinking about or decided to just leave it; I hope it was the latter.

"it was only a suggestion, if you don't feel comfortable then you can go in first, I'll just go out and see what Burns is up to, I think I can smell pancakes coming from out there!" he had the same expression on his face when I got the pizza for him, and it made my smile grow even bigger. I decided that my fear was flawed, I was merely afraid of the unknown, it was the same feeling I had last night when I thought I was ready for...well you know. I was being silly again; it was just a shower after all.

"No, I think I'd like for you to join me, if that's ok with you." I was convinced that my fear would have come through but I was pleasantly surprised that I sounded quite confident. Ian seemed quite shocked himself though, which made me giggle.

"Well when you put it that way, how can I resist? Cos it's not every day you ask _me_ for something," he said with a chuckle, taking my hand and leading me towards the bathroom. I was glad he attempted to lighten the mood; it made me relax...a little.

He shut the door behind him and when he turned around his smile turned into a frown. I guess all my confidence had run out, I felt like I was hyperventilating.

"Are you sure you wanna do this? You look like your gonna be sick. I didn't think I was _that_ repulsive." He chuckled although there was no humour in his voice.

"No, no of course I'm sure, I guess I'm just nervous that's all." And it was true. The fear had passed I was just insecure about what he would think once I took my clothes off.

"It's normal to feel nervous, I'm nervous as hell, what if I'm not what you imagined me to look like."

I smiled; I knew he only said that to make me feel better. "That would never happen." I suddenly felt the same adrenaline kick in from last night. This was so silly, yet so... human and that realisation brought on all the courage I needed to pull my tank top over my head.

As I stood there with my bare chest for all that was Ian to see, I was still a little self conscious because my breasts were slightly larger than Melanie's and I wasn't sure if that was a bad thing or not but at the same time, I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted. Why was I so afraid? Ian was everything to me and if I couldn't do this with him, then what hope did we have? So I just sucked it up.

"That wasn't so bad." I said with relief. Ian's gaze never left my eyes and he closed the gap in between us and cupped my face with both of his hands. I could feel the molten rock where our bare skin touched and I couldn't have asked for a better feeling, the prospect of how I would feel when Ian and I were actually in the act of making love overwhelmed me and I nearly lost my balance.

"Are you sure about that?" he said kissing the tip of my nose.

I giggled again, "I guess there was no reason for me to be so scared after all and it made me a little light headed." We both laughed and Ian turned the shower on.

"Here goes nothing." Ian said almost too low for me to hear as he pulled his shorts down, I assumed that he was talking to mostly himself. Even though he showed me enough respect not to stare, I however could not share the same courtesy, and my mouth fell open.

Insecurity washed over his face as he attempted to hide himself with his hands. "What's wrong?" he was mortified.

"WOW," was all I could say, stupid, stupid Wanda. I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks. I never expected it to be so big, although I only had Melanie's memories for comparison, pet had never been intimate with anyone, so I looked away hoping that he wouldn't realise that I had just compared him to Jared.

When he didn't say anything, I was worried that I might have offended him so I turned to face him again. Ian was grinning from ear to ear and I could see (from the corner of my eye) that he wasn't covering himself anymore and he stepped into the shower.

"So...I'm bigger than Howe eh! That's good to know." He still couldn't wipe the grin off his face. I was still shocked that he figured it out; I froze where I stood ashamed of myself.

"I thought we were gonna have a shower together, although I'd be quite happy for you to stand there and watch," he snickered. I didn't understand, one minute he was insecure and now he was acting so pretentious, was it something I said?

"How did you know I compared you to Jared?"

His carefree laugh averted me from my current state of mind, which made me a little more relaxed.

"It's not hard to guess that you still refer to Melanie's memories when you're in unfamiliar situations, your face just confirmed it...it was priceless!" I had to smile although I did make a mental note to ask Mel to explain it to me. All inhibitions were out the window so I kicked off my underwear and stepped into the shower with Ian.

**I'm so so so so so so so so (i could go on forever) sorry its taken me so long to update. I hope no one hasn't given up on this story, because i had a lot of fun writing this chapter! I finally got a new computer so hopefully i'll be updating more often. Please R&R i think i have to read the book again so that im more motivated to write its been a while and i think i need a refresher on all the characters, but anyway please tell me what u think **

**Shar xx**


End file.
